About a month ago I wrote a long post about convictions I've had this year about how I spend my time and about my attitude towards the things that are a constant part of my life.
Tonight while I was driving home I had a familiar realization come to me. That realization was that I've drawn closer to God going through this stressful year than I have during less stressful times of my life. and what it all boils down to is that I'm content to live on cruise control (set at MY speed) and as long as life is going well I just continue on. It's not until I hit a bump in the road (stress, strained relationships, etc) that I come running back to Him. And once I weather that storm by leaning on Him I then slowly start going back to relying on myself instead of Him. It's a cycle that I can look back on my 23 years on this planet and see it over and over again.
I don't doubt that I'm going to fail yet again. But maybe, just maybe, I can learn to start leaning on God during the good times too. And maybe, just maybe, I'll stop relying on my own abilities to run my life and give it over to the Holy Spirit's leading.
It's pretty quaint that this is happening at the end of the year. I could say something dumb like "this is my 2011 new year's resolution". But this isn't my 2010 new year's resolution. This is the rest of my life.
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