I found out yesterday that my aunt and uncle are officially getting a divorce. I’ve been wondering if they would make this decision for a while now so the news didn’t really come as a shock but it still struck a nerve in me that I didn’t realize I still had. This aunt and uncle are the couple who are the closest thing to a second set of parents I’ve got and also a couple that I never thought would take this step. I could’ve predicted other family members getting divorces, but this one I just didn’t think would ever happen.
It’s days like yesterday that make me really think about my outlook on marriage and divorce and it’s hard not to become completely crippled by the statistics surrounding these things. You hear about the 50% divorce rate and how the Church is actually worse than the overall average. You hear about how children of divorce are more likely to end up divorced themselves. Now this last statistic doesn’t faze me as much since my parents’ divorce happened when I was 21 so I don’t consider myself to be a “child” of divorce. Plus a statistic is just a statistic. Strangely enough, I almost feel like I’m going to enter a marriage with a better chance at success than some of my friends with married parents. I have no illusions of grandeur about marriage being easy or just working out. I think marriage is going to be amazing and, hopefully, the best relationship I ever have with another human being. But I also think that it’s going to be a lot of work and I know that I’m going into it with realistic expectations of what is going to be involved with making that marriage work. I have a huge desire to fight for my marriage and to make it work and I think that desire has come from watching so many marriages fail. I think a lot of people think that fighting for your marriage starts when problems arise. I think that fighting for your marriage starts the day you say “I do” and ultimately, it starts long before you get married.
For a while after my parents’ divorce I feared that I would be scared of marriage and I spent a lot of time worrying that I was just going to eventually end up divorced like everyone else. I’ve realized recently that I have a much greater hope for my future than I have in the recent past. I have faith in a God who provides and I’m confident that he’ll give my future husband and me the strength to fight through whatever life throws our way.
Outside of my own perspective on the topic, I feel like our country is starting to wonder what the purpose of marriage is altogether. I think a lot of people are adopting the mindset of “If half of them are going to fail then why even bother having them to begin with?”. I’m expecting there to be a lot of changes in the way our government treats marriage in the future and I’m guessing a lot of it will be a snowball effect as the result of same gender marriages issues. Of course, as a Christian I know what the purpose of marriage is and I know what it represents. Are my children going to be able to piece together a positive view of marriage in the day and age that they grow up in? It scares me to think about that.
Love as distinct from "being in love" is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.-C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
