To The Christian Guys

"Christian men are weak"
"The guys in our bible study are never going to do anything"
"Christian guys don't know how to lead"
"Our generation of guys is turning out to be a complete failure"

I've been a part of numerous conversations where girls have made statements like the above, usually rather emphatically or with great frustration. As much as I try to avoid making statements like these, I myself have uttered words laced with disappointment regarding how guys my age have failed at what I would consider to be biblical masculinity. I think it's fairly easy to say that the girls of my generation are frustrated with the guys. While most of us girls can say that we know a few solid Christian guys, we also look at guys as a whole and think that things look bleak. We see passive men, men who are avoiding responsibility, men who seem oblivious to their God given roles. We see men who seem content to never fully grow up.

There are plenty of articles that discuss the topic of Christian men and the current issues. I'm not even going to try to delve into any of that here. What's on my mind is not about whether what we see in guys is valid or not, or even what it is that we see in guys, rather it's the responses to the situation that are sticking out to me right now. A lot of what we see in guys may be valid, but our responses are often not. The harshness of our responses do not line up with biblical womanhood.

Assuming that I'm going to get married one day, that means that my future husband is out there fighting the battle of being a man in today's world. I'm not gonna lie, I'm hoping that my future husband is one of the guys who was lucky enough to have a good grasp of biblical masculinity from a younger age. But maybe, at this present moment, my future husband is struggling with what it means to be a Christian man. And maybe he's getting beaten down during the process. Maybe, just maybe, if the Church, particularly us girls, did what we could to make the process easier for him, he'd get there a bit faster. Wouldn't I rather that the girls in his life do everything they can to help enable him to be the man that God created him to be? Shouldn't I be doing the same for the men in my life? Not only for their sake, but also for the sake of my sisters in Christ?

Obviously I've never been a guy, but I'm guessing that it's hard to be one. The odds are stacked against you. Not only do you have a flesh and blood battle going on, you've got an enemy who knows that the key to so many things that he wants lies with keeping you men beaten down.

Guys, I'm sorry for the things that girls say. I'm sorry for our attitudes. I'm sorry for taking over in situations where we needed to step back and let you men lead, even if it meant letting go of the outcome of such situations. I'm sorry that we, as girls, don't always take the time to understand what biblical masculinity should look like so that we can support you in pursuing it. I'm sorry that we call you out on your failures while completely ignoring our own.
I'm sorry if the Church is failing you. I'm sorry that the previous generation oftentimes fails to understand the culture that has been created around you by feminism, technology, and the hook-up culture.
I'm sorry for trivializing the hard things that you guys face. I'm sorry for any negative statements I've made about Christian guys.

I'm not even entirely sure how I can go about helping out the guys in my life, but I do know that I want to help them and not hinder them. I think the future success of almost everything depends on guys filling their God given roles. And at the end of the day, no matter what us girls do, the responsibility of being Christian men falls squarely on the guys' shoulders. God isn't going to hold us girls accountable for whether or not guys rise to the occasion. We've got enough of our own failures as women to account for as it is. But I'm hoping that I can do better at figuring out how to help the guys out as we navigate through an undoubtedly difficult stage of life.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works - Heb 10:24

Letter To My Younger Self

Some of you may have written a letter to your younger self as part of a writing assignment at some point while you were in school. I never was given such an assignment, so I’ve never written a letter like this before. It’s been in draft status for months now, but I finally got around to finishing it. I’m not really sure why I decided to write this letter other than the fact that I’ve enjoyed reading them online in the past. Also, I have watched as my Awana girls walk through their teenage years and have gotten some major cases of déjà vu on numerous occasions. This letter isn’t directed at them, but I’ve always hoped that some of what I’ve been through in my short time on this earth might help them out.


To my 15 year old self,
There are going to be a lot of ups and down during the next decade of your life, and I’m sure for the rest of your life. Nothing that I could say to you at any stage of life will change that, but there are some things I wish I would have picked up on earlier in life.

First, go on a mission trip in high school or college while you don’t have to worry about vacation days and work schedules. It’ll help you gain a better perspective of how God views the world when He looks at it, and you’ll regret it if you don’t do it before graduation.

You’re at the stage of your life where you oftentimes just wish you could already be an adult. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of benefits to being an adult. But you’re going to look back and wish you had enjoyed the stress free life while you had it. So savor it for a bit and know that good things are coming.

You’re putting a lot of stress on yourself to get good grades in highschool. Some people might disagree, but I’m going to tell you that it’ll be worth every ounce of effort because it will pay for your college education, so keep it up. Oh and don’t sign up for honors Calc 1, just take the regular class...you'll have to trust me on that one.

You’re eventually going to realize the value of having good mentors in your life. Watch for a woman who possesses the Godly qualities that you want and ask her to mentor you now, not five years from now. Don’t procrastinate on this. Actually, you should work on your procrastination problem too, while you're at it.

You have a high expectation of what your college dorm experience is going to be like, and what you’re going to get is going to be nothing like what you had hoped for. The same will be true of your first apartment experience, so be prepared for that. Learning how to be a good roommate is something that takes time, and living with other girls who are still figuring that out is going to test your patience. Take the opportunity to practice patience, forgiveness and flexibility. God is going to teach you a lot about who you are as a person through those experiences, and in the end you’ll be thankful for them.

After your second year of college you’re going to have to decide whether you want to take a week off from your internship to be a counselor at camp or not. Make sure to choose camp, it’ll be worth more than a week’s paycheck.

In college, instead of focusing on that grade you get at the end of a semester, focus on becoming a better programmer. Five years out of college you’re not going to care that you got A’s in all of your 400 level classes. You’re going to wish you were better at what you do.

At times you’re going to wonder if you should have more friends than you do. Stop counting the number and invest yourself in the solid friendships that you do have. Beyond that, learn to love other people the way that God loves them. Building relationships and community takes a lot of intentionality.

Learn to work through conflict when it arises, because good friendships aren’t ones that have no conflicts, good friendships are the ones that know how to work through it. Nothing I can say to you now will spare you from learning this the hard way, but being friends with girls is going to be harder than being friends with guys. The earlier you start to face these issues the better off you'll be in the long run.

Learn to cut your frivolous spending your first year of college and life will be a bit easier those last two years. Most importantly, in regards to your finances, learn you think of your bank account as a temporary holding spot for God’s money. The earlier you adopt this mindset the easier life will be.

You’re always going to wonder if you should wear more makeup, or do something different with your hair, or lose a few pounds. The amount of time you spend worrying about these things is going to get you nowhere, so you really should just stop. Either that or decide to take action, but whatever you do, don’t dwell on these things endlessly. Satan will utilize every one of these moments that you give him.

Now, the part that you’re probably wondering about the most. Yep, you’re still single at 25. Luckily the statement you're going make when you're 20 about how terrible it would be to turn 25 and still be single will not be the sentiment you end up having at 25. At 15 you have an image in your head of getting married right after college and having everything wrapped up with a nice little bow on it in your early twenties. Being single at 25 is probably not the option you’d take if you were given a choice, but eventually you’re going to see what a blessing God had for you by giving you the story that He does.
When you look back on those years you're not going to regret a single moment spent pursuing God and His desire for your life, but you will regret the time you waste waiting around for a guy. Make sure to use these years wisely.

Last but not least, read your Bible every day, whether you feel like it or not.

You’re going to live a very blessed life. There will undoubtedly be plenty of ups and downs, don’t forget to take some time to stop and thank God for what you have as you navigate the next ten years of your life. There are some fun twists and turns in the next decade of your life. I hope you're ready.

-Your 25 year old self